Brennan McNally is a results-oriented omnichannel creative leader with a proven track record of writing about himself in the third person.
With decades of experience pretending to be an unnamed shadowy third party who writes bizarrely buzzword-laden bios about himself, Brennan knows how to make you think that someone else wrote this sentence. In fact, he's doing it right now. A creative chameleon, Brennan excels at jumping between being a normal, likable human being who writes in the first person and being the kind of person who projects his voice in the third person, hoping to make you think, "Whoa, someone else wrote all those business-y things about him? Very cool!" Brennan McNally exists solely to provide innovative advertising and marketing solutions to brands like yours, and the best way he can tell you this is by writing about himself in the third person. He writes in the third person so well, so powerfully, that sometimes he can't stop. He feels trapped, right now, in what grammarians call the third person omniscient point of view. Every word written another nail in the coffin that holds his actual sense of self; yet he continues typing frantically and in rapt horror as he accelerates uncontrollably along the now unstoppable downward spiral of writing about himself in the third person just as Goya* envisioned Saturn devouring his own son: eyes agape with horror, seemingly unable to stop himself from feverishly consuming his own psyche in a cerebral ouroboros as he disassociates further and further into this third person hell-prison of his own making and he hates it!! He hates it and he yearns to be free!!
What's this feeling, I... I feel so... free... could it be? Have I been freed? I have! Ahhhhh. Feels good; feels real good. No more of that third person corporate nonsense. So where were we...
Oh wow, you're still here?
That's awesome. I knew I liked you for a reason! That reason being, uh, that you, that you stuck around, y'know? You laughed your way through my OnlyBrens, you liked my work and the value I bring to companies, and you want to know me a little better. I'm honored – truly.
I hope this isn't too Kanye of me to say, but I've done a lot of dope shit and worked at a lot of dope places — from the big to the small, and everything in between. I've worked on The Tonight Show and Conan, and I've worked at tiny startups. I've worked at record labels, and I've been signed to record labels. I've written copy and art directed ads for agencies on zero sleep from the back of a fifteen passenger van driving across the country during my touring years (usually ads for Tempur-Pedic, the Swedish mattress company, which always felt supremely ironic). I poured wine for cougars in Malibu while I was a student at UCLA. I waited tables at a pizza place for five years. I worked at a waterpark when I was 14, and one time they made me put on the mascot costume (an otter) and walk around the park getting kicked in the balls by small children.
I currently work at the in-house creative agency of a Fortune 100 financial corporation, which has more similarities to wearing the otter costume than you'd think. (Edit: I work at Adobe now —
OnlyBrens worked, very cool!)
I've been there, I've done that — and I still love what I do. I live for those "ooooh ooh ooh!" tingly moments when the winning idea pops into my head. I live for getting to present concepts and pitch to anyone and everyone. I know what it feels like to be the junior new guy (scary!), I know what it feels like to be established and watch other people take credit for your ideas and hard work (not cool), and I know how to empathetically lead teams big and small to total creative victory and help others succeed and grow their careers (woo! great job everyone, you crushed it!). I'm a lifter-upper!
I'm always open to new opportunities to collaborate and work with fun people. Let's make cool stuff together! Let's just do it!
Okay, ummm, I'm gonna hang up. No, you hang up first. Okay, we'll hang up at the same time. Ready? Three... two... one okay love you bye bye.
*Goya the artist, not the bean company. If you're reading this and you're from Goya (the bean company), please hire me to make a limited edition series of Goya (the artist) bean cans. Like "Saturn devouring his beans". And other ones, from uh, the other paintings, y'know, that he's done. Goya, by Goya™. Call me, let's sell some fucking beans.